Revulsion

I don't know how you did it
Meaning
I can't retrace
The pathways within myself that you used
To change me.
I was there
While it was happening
Felt every twist of the knife
Hated myself through every minute
Of you collecting every scrap
Of what I do not want to be
And organizing it ceremoniously
For chopping.
I was at my most monstrous
Outwardly
As inwardly you wove new ways of being
Around the putrefied old ways
I now reject.
Now I see myself
Unsure of how I know to be this way.
I trace only one emotion:
Revulsion
At my old ways.
I don't want to vomit again
So I tiptoe around sleeping sin
Breathing relief
And joyfully reveling
In the shaped self.